


Unsaid

by trickster



Category: Constantine (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-18
Updated: 2010-03-18
Packaged: 2017-10-30 10:20:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/330672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trickster/pseuds/trickster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sort of continuation to my <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/330670">another drabble for the pair</a>, but can be read by itself.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> Sort of continuation to my [another drabble for the pair](http://archiveofourown.org/works/330670), but can be read by itself.

_"I know what I want, John."_

It had been three days since Chas's slip of the tongue when the kid came up to him to clear things up. What he had said hadn't exactly come as a surprise to John - during the past days he'd had more than enough time to think about the kid's earlier words himself, even though it had taken him only few seconds to figure out their meaning. However, while the words had been what he had expected, they had also been something he had feared.

_"And I really did- do mean what I said the other day. I really do want to be with you."_

When Chas had said the words out loud John had been quiet for a while before telling the kid he was just imagining things, that he was just mistaking his admiration and respect towards John for something else. When Chas had began to argue back John had simply stood up and left. And now, almost a week after that conversation, Chas had barely spoken a word to him. John knew the kid had been hurt by his reaction, he could tell it by just taking a look at him. He couldn't stand seeing the kid look like that, especially knowing he had been the one who'd caused it, but at the same time he knew it was better of the two alternatives. He knew he could never tell the kid how he felt the same. He could never tell the reason why he didn't let Chas take part in the exorcisms was because he was worried something would go wrong and he couldn't stand the thought of the kid getting hurt. He couldn't and he wouldn't ever say how every time when Chas stayed over at his place, reading his books about demons and angels and heaven and hell and everything in between he could just watch for hours how the kid's eyes moved over the words in the pages, his brow furrowed in focus, and he would most definitely not tell how on those nights he would always have to resist the urge to ask the kid if he wanted to sleep with him in the bed instead of that old, ragged couch.

He would never tell Chas any of those things because if he did he would also have to tell the kid the reason why he hadn't said anything before was because he didn't deserve the kid. Because the simple truth was that while John Constantine was an asshole, he wasn't enough of a one to hurt Chas, to respond to his feelings and then letting him down, like he always did to those close to him.

He knew he had a one-way-ticket to hell already and he would be damned if he didn't do his best at not taking the kid there with him.


End file.
